Victoria's Birth Story (3-20-2010)

I found out I was pregnant with Victoria in July.  It was the busiest week ever at Attwood, preparing for a big tradeshow. I worked a lot of overtime that week and was really stressed. I knew I was due to have my period soon, so I thought the slight cramps I had that week were just PMS.  I had been tired on vacation to South Carolina the week prior, falling asleep more than usual in the car.  We only tried one month at that point.  My parents made a lot of jokes that I was pregnant…I told them I didn’t know yet!  On the way down to SC, Jason gave me two little twin baby figurines because he was excited and wanted to have twins…LOL!  

On a Thursday night after a long week, I realized I was a couple of days late.  I decided to take a pregnancy test, even though it was outdated and I knew you were supposed to do it in the morning for it to be most accurate.  It was a solid dark line! I couldn’t believe it! I told Jason right away and he was so excited! Because it was outdated, we decided on the spur of the moment to go run to Meijer and buy another test. While we were there we bought a couple baby books too.  We were such geeks.  When we got home, I took the digital test and it said “Pregnant” !! We were so excited it was hard to sleep.

We found out what we were having with Victoria at our 20 week ultrasound.  When the lady told us it was a girl, I was so excited! We went and bought some girl clothes right away.  I had a lot of baby showers- one at work, one at Jason’s Aunts, one with my bible study, and one Up North at my parent’s house.  The baby shower Up North was on Halloween.  It was the last time I saw my Grandma Goebel alive. I will cherish those memories forever.  I only wish I had a picture of her with me.  We do have some pictures of her there though. 

Victoria’s birthday was the worst and best day of my life.  The week prior, Jason had not been sleeping and had been adjusting his medications for depression with his doctor.  The increase in an anti-depressant led him to not sleep and go into a “manic” state.  So, he took a week off from work to try to figure things out. My parents came to town on a Wednesday, the day before I was due. I worked all the way up until the end.  I worked a full day on Thursday at Attwood and got a ton done. Everyday I left, I made sure everything was set in case I went into labor that night.  Since my parents were in town, I decided to not go to work Friday. I was past my due date and was tired.  I hoped I’d go into labor soon so that I wasn’t wasting work days I could get paid for!  That day, Jason was especially manic and was trying to do multiple things at once and organize things. He had tons of grand ideas and was not himself.  My Mom and I went to visit Andria and her kids to get out of the house.  I had Braxton Hicks contractions a lot up until that week, but they got more intense on Friday.  That afternoon, Jason still couldn’t nap and decided he wanted us to take him to Pine Rest to get some help.  I was devastated…I was due to have a baby any minute and he wasn’t going to be there!  We took him there at 5:30 PM.  He barely said goodbye because he was so not himself…I felt like I had lost my husband and I had no idea what was going to happen and when he would get out.  I cried hysterically in the car as my Dad and Mom drove me home.  We stopped at Costco on the way home to buy my Dad a laptop he wanted.  In the checkout lane, I had a contraction that I realized was a little more painful than any I had had prior.  On the way home I talked to my parents about how they were starting to hurt.  By 7:30 PM or so they were getting worse and were closer together.  I was pissed. I didn’t want to go into labor without my husband there! This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.  Steve and Andria and there kids came over to support me and brought some dinner.  We went for a good long walk with the dogs and everyone to see if my contractions would change. They didn’t. They got closer and closer.  I tried to lay down to see if I could get some sleep, but laying down felt horrible.  We called my doctor and they said to come on in since they were so close together.  At about 11:00 PM we piled into my mini-van with my Dad driving.  It was horrible having contractions in a vehicle.  We go to Meto Health ER and I had to go through a number of steps to check in. I was in a wheel chair having contractions and was embarrassed in front of a packed ER.  I was really mad that I had to check in at so many places.  

I finally got to triage, still really mad and sad that Jason wasn’t there.  Andria and my Mom came in one at a time to support me. They made me lay on a bed the whole time and had me hooked up to monitors right away and said the baby’s heart rate was dropping with every contraction.  I was ticked that I had to be laying down…it felt horrible with each contraction. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be! But, I didn’t know how to argue with the nurses, they seemed to order me around.  I had horrible chills and shakes during labor.  I got word that Jason’s mom was going to pick him up and bring him to the hospital.  I was relieved, and yet, I knew that it would be this “manic” Jason, not my normal husband.  He arrived and they told him to be quiet, because I didn’t want a bunch of talking when I had the contractions.  He was quiet and held my hand and supported me. I was glad he was there then.  After like 2 hours, they finally let me into a room.  I couldn’t believe it took so long…couldn’t they tell I was in labor? They were so close together.  My sister arrived then around 3AM…she drove her family down from Up North in the middle of the night! I couldn’t believe it.  I wanted to stand up and lean over the counter…not lay in bed.  But, the nurses made me get back in a bed and hooked up to monitors.  Since I was exhausted because I had been up all day, I decided to get an epidural.  I also got it because I figured what the heck, everything is already going not how I wanted it.  They told me to “rest” and see how things progressed, since the baby wasn’t coming down enough and I wasn’t dilating much.  I couldn’t rest much though, because I still had horrible shakes and chills.  We tried watching a movie while Jason laid down on the couch to try to nap.  I had been in labor for 8 hours already.  After about 30 minutes, a doctor came to check me and said I was dilated 5cm.  As she was checking me, she accidently broke my water!  She then said that they were thinking I was going to have to have a c-section.  I was devastated, but at that point, I wasn’t surprised.  They called the doctor that was there on call, Mary Beth Grey in.  All the nurses started changing into surgery clothes “just in case”.  This stressed me out a lot.  It was probably 4 AM.  The doctor came in and said the baby had pooped inside which was a risk.  All of a sudden I was rushed into a surgical room.  Everyone was moving so fast. I felt like I was in a movie.  Jason was still back in the room…I was all alone. I was in total shock.  One nurse took the time to reassure me that I wasn’t alone and that I wasn’t there.  She was the only one that made me feel like a human being. I was so exhausted and disoriented.  I had oxygen and all sorts of other stuff hooked up to me.  No one explained to me what was happening.  They setup the huge bright light and I was laying there like a limp doll.  It was so weird.  I could feel them cut and work around.  The anesthesiologist was an old Asian dude.  He sat by my head and talked to me.  I kept asking him “is the shaking and chills normal?”  

Finally, after just a couple minutes, they pulled Victoria out.  I heard her scream a beautiful scream and the Anesthesiologist said “do you hear that!?”  It was amazing.  She was born at 5:02 AM, March 20th, 2010.  Finally Jason came in.  He had taken a while to get the scrubs on.  I couldn’t believe he hadn’t been there sooner, but wasn’t surprised.  He was at least there to watch her just after she came out and got weighted and measured.  I laid there while they sewed me up. I felt so helpless not being able to see my baby yet.  They had her over to the side on a table cleaning her up and such.  He brought her to me all swaddled up and clean.  I couldn’t see her face very well though because he’s so tall and didn’t want to drop her!  I couldn’t believe my baby girl was here! Then he left with her to get bathed and such while they worked on me for another 20 minutes.  My baby was here and I was stuck in an operating room.  I was so nauseas still that I threw up on the bed as they wheeled me over to a recovery area.  Jason was there with me as we talked.  We were so excited.  We got to pick out a little hat for Victoria.  The nurse, Morgan, talked to us about our dogs.  I was still shaking a little.  I couldn’t understand why I had to be away from my baby during this time.  It was probably about an hour.  I was taken to my room finally where I got to see my baby and try breastfeeding.  She latched on no problem.  At about 9AM, Jason had to leave.  He was so tired and not himself.  He took a video of himself talking and showing off Victoria.  Corrine took him away.  I was devastated but knew that he needed to get more help figuring out his medications.  I spent 4 days in the hospital with tons of visitors and flowers.  Everyone came to see me because they knew I was all alone.  Someone stayed with me there each night.  I was so glad my baby girl was here.  She kept me going despite how upset I was about Jason.  I felt like I was in a Lifetime movie.  On the day we went home, my parents drove Victoria and I home in our mini-van.  I had visioned us all going home as a family (with Jason) my whole life.  I held it in, but was really sad that he wasn’t there.  Jason was in the hospital for about a week after that.  When he came home, he was still not fully regulated on the medications and was not himself.  He took about 6 weeks of FMLA leave off from work.  As he was still pretty manic, he was never home at first.  He was trying to go do activities with friends constantly.  He still was not himself.  Some medications calmed him down, but made him super tired.  My maternity leave was not what I expected at all.  I was home with a sick husband and an infant. 

I took 3 months off.  Victoria had a lot of problems nursing.  I went to a lactation consultant multiple times.  She lost a lot of weight in the first month.  The MD didn’t know what to do…but I really didn’t want to supplement with formula as I knew nursing was better.  Finally, at 6 weeks, after her not gaining weight and not latching correctly, the lactation consultant said that it just wasn’t working.  I was going to try to pump and feed it to her, but it was just too much work and I wasn’t pumping enough.  I decided to give her formula.  Our lives instantly got easier and she gained weight right away.  I had a good 6 weeks with her before returning to work to enjoy her. :)